My Baby Boy
by Lily EvansPotterBlack
Summary: You love him too much. I gave my life for him, but you gave him everything else...It seems like your his Mother sometimes, always fussing and adoring...DOUBTING WHETHER HARRY REALLY WAS MY SON...Well James, I’m waiting.


My Baby Boy

by Lily EvansPotterBlack

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Author's notes: There's loads of Lily watching over Harry fics out there, but not really any James and Harry fics like that. 'My Baby boy' is not exactly like any fic I've stumbled across but it still deals with James' love for Harry. Something I've wanted to explore for a while now.

You're always watching him. Watching him more than you watch me._ I'm_ your wife James, and _I'm_ Harry's Mother. There's nothing more you can do for him, and I'm afraid your becoming obsessed. It seems like your his Mother sometimes, always fussing and adoring. Not like other Fathers who were only interested in boys for Quiditch, and pranks and such- Not that you didn't think about though things as well.

I know what your going through James, I truly do. I gave my life so Harry could live on, I was there when he said his first word- Dada, what else?- and I was there when he took his first steps. I was there for everything when I was alive, and you were too, but James...

You need to move on. Watching him all the time is not healthy. Yes- I know he's your son too, but, I only watch, and go, and visit when it's his birthday, or when he's in danger.

James, please. Just come back too me, you need not watch Harry all the time. He'll be okay, JayJay. He's got Remus, and those two best friends of his, Ron, and Hermione. They'll look after him. And Ron's little sister, Ginny, she'll look after him too. And Professor Dumbledure will protect him, you know that. And don't forgot Sirius is with him, when he can be. That if nothing else should reassure you.

JAMES POTTER DON'T YOU DARE SAY I DON'T LOVE HIM! Just because I don't spend all my time down there when you KNOW you aren't supposed to, and get into trouble for helping him and visiting him does NOT mean I don't love our son.

Yes, James. OUR son. I had something to do with him being here as well! Don't tell me you know that, because sometimes I honestly think you think that he's just YOUR son. I've got news for you, Jimbo. HE ISN'T! Harry's MINE!

I'M the Mother, I'm the one who's supposed to never leave his side, the one who holds him when he cries. I was supposed to be his first word James! I was supposed to be the one who soothed him, and who sang to him! He'd CRY when I hugged him, YOU HEAR ME JAMES? He'd cry. Sometimes I don't think he even recognised me! His own MOTHER! All he ever wanted was YOU, his dearest Daddy! And _Black_ of course, we can't forget DEAR OLE' PADFOOT, could we? No no no no no no, could never forget Sirius, who Harry kept calling 'Daddy' by mistake, and you, who never seemed to mind.

Even now when I go to him now, the times I see his dreams he wants YOU, he hardly ever thinks about me. Harry idolises you James, his chest swells with pride whenever Sirius-especially Sirius, or Albus compares him too you, and glares daggers at Snape when ever he speaks badly of you. I can't wait until he finds out what your really like, how you and Sirius would tease and torment Snape, before we were dating.

You love him too much. I gave my life for him, but you gave him everything else. He even looks so much like you, his hair, his mouth, his eyebrows, his hands, his fingers, his build. All yours. His flying talent. All yours. His power, his resourcefulness, his courage.

He has my eyes - the memorising green, green eyes that you swear made you fall in love with me- at least, that soothes me. No other girls have eyes like me, though Harry does have a certain someone's cheekbones, nose, determined chin and pale skin tone, and I wonder... Harry never wonders about me, he never asked Petunia (not that she'd tell him, except maybe rant at my awfulness), or anyone else for that matter about his Mum, the one who gave him life.

James, you as much as ignored me after Harry was born. I couldn't deal with it, I still can't. I slept with Peter you know. Oh, don't look so shocked James. What did you expect? I wanted too hurt you, to have you notice me, remember that I was YOUR wife!

At first I wanted too take Sirius to bed, but Sirius was to loyal and adored you too much, Sirius would never hurt you. Just like you'd never hurt him. You'd bring pain too me before you'd cause misery to Sirius. Don't bother to deny Potter, we both know it's true. Sometimes I wondered why you even married me, I'd lay in bed at night when you weren't there and entertain the idea that you were with Sirius instead. Then you'd be with me in the morning and I'd banish such thoughts from my mind. Oh I was a fool, wasn't I James?

Remus wouldn't even consider having sex with me, even though I know he was in love with me. You didn't know that, did you? Of course not. NOBODY could love me. I knew when I kissed him, right before he pushed me away. You used to kiss me like that.

Peter was a last resort. I don't know what I expected to happen, how I'd even think that you'd find out. Peter for certain wouldn't tell you, but at least for a while someone notices me. Touched me. The last time we had sex -or any kind of physical contact- was when Harry was conceived. Since you wouldn't even consider it when I was pregnant with Harry since you thought it was 'wrong' and 'weird', and afterwards... I don't know. You had so many excuses...

You think I didn't notice that you spend so much time with Harry. Holding him, and hugging him. Taking him to the Park to feed the ducks before word got that Voldemort was after us. Still, you would read him stories, and draw with him, and Sirius would come over with lovely presents and Harry would have his beloved Godfather as well.

On those days, and on those times more than ever I thought, that maybe, maybe Harry wasn't my son after all. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'D DRIVEN ME TOO, JAMES? YOU AND BLACK, BETWEEN THE PAIR OF YOU I WAS DOUBTING WHETHER HARRY REALLY WAS MY SON! That maybe, I'd imagined carrying Harry for eight months. Eight months and twenty five days.

I can remember wondering, as Sirius spun, holding Harry in the air and making him giggle and laugh and grin toothily, and oh so brightly. While you watched on, smiling sleepily and contently from the couch, as Harry called out to his 'Dada' and his 'Mama' If maybe Harry wasn't talking to you when he proudly announced 'Dada' and if he wasn't talking to me when he screamed for his 'Mama'.

Well James, I'm waiting.

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This is from Lily Evans-Potter's Point of View if I haven't made if obvious enough, and is most likely a one-off. I'd like it if you would review but I'm not going to force you at gunpoint, or wandpoint to do so. It's your decision. Though it would make me happy!

-EvansPotterBlack


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